House of Dracula 2019 by Austin Neumeyer

The final battle had begun. Sir Alfred van Dingle and his trusty butler Doc Jeeves had tracked the evil vampire Lord Dracula to his castle in the Carpathian Mountains. The heroic duo stood atop the northern turret in the pelting rainstorm, face to face with their greatest foe.

“Sir, it says here that in order to slay the monster you must say his name backwards three times!” Jeeves said, arm protecting the ancient Tome of Eternal Evil from the rain.

“I must say, that is a strange method for slaying a vampire!” van Dingle shouted over the whipping wind.

“He is a strange vampire!”

Dracula stood at the other side of the turret, rain dripping down his bald head, flowing down his pointed ears. His glowing yellow eyes pierced into the souls of the two men. His lime green Lycra jumpsuit made them uncomfortable. He was making overtly threatening, yet confusing, gestures with his hand.

“Noted. Now let’s do this!”

Jeeves counted down from three, and the two men stumbled over their words. He counted down from three again, and van Dingle made the first attempt.

“Alucard!” he shouted.

“Aylwgard!” Jeeves followed.

“Wait what?” van Dingle asked as the vampire closed in. “Uh, Alucard Alucard!” The vampire lord screeched, as he exploded in a firestorm too powerful for the rain to put out before he slowly faded into ash which collected on the ground in wet clumps.

“You call him Dra…Dragwlya?” van Dingle asked.

“Well that is the original pronunciation sir. You call him Dracula?”

“I mean, yes, of course I do. I thought we were together on this.”

“Apparently not sir.”

“Well…in the future we need to be more consistent. I mean, someone has got to write the church about this.”

“Indeed sir, someone does have to write the church about this.”

“We need to appear professional.”

“Indeed sir, we do need to appear professional.”

And so, as the rainstorm slowly subsided, the two men descended the castle turret, having learned an important lesson about consistency in word choice, and also having killed Dracula.